Drew & Carolyn DundassName – Drew & Carolyn Dundass

Address – 917 Upper Taieri Paerau Runs Rd, Paerau, R.D.4., Ranfurly 9398

Phone – 03-444 9 770

Email –

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The Lament of a Discontented Cow

How drab are the farmyards and meadows,

The paddocks seem empty and grey,

Now the one bit of fun in the year’s dreary run

Has by science been taken away.

If what I have heard is truth, Sir,

Unnatural to all though it seems,

A cow’s female passion is all out of fashion,

And Ferdinand’s naught but a dream.

Oh! I’ve just given birth to a heifer,

Of pride and of milk I am full,

But it’s sad to relate that my lacteal state

Was not brought about by a bull.

I’ve never been naughty I swear it,

In spite of the calf I have borne,

Like Farmer Brown’s tractor, I’m “Virgo Intacta,”

I’ve not had a bull by the horn.

I know that farming’s a business

In which we must all pull our weight,

Well, I’d pull and I’d pull for a strongly built bull,

But this phoney business I hate.

No bull has ever caressed me; I’ve not had the ghost of a binge,

I’ve never been loved, but brutally shoved

By a bloody great brass bound syringe.

It mustn’t be thought that I’m jealous,

There are things that a cow must not say,

But these Ministry tarts that handle my parts

Still get theirs the Old – Fashioned Way

Written by Neil Aitken (grandfather of Carolyn Dundass) at the age of 80 following the artificial insemination of a neighbour’s cow

Posted on January 31st, 2010.